NEW MEANING OF MARKET TERMINOLOGY-REFLECTION OF THE TIMES

Ok, we all need a little levity for all that doom and gloom, so here it is, go ahead and add your own meanings too.

It's time to update the meaning of all those acronyms and well known "market" and investor related terms to the market situation TODAY.

Here are the updated meanings of "OLD" terms, so as to bring them up to date:

CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO- Chief Fraud Officer

VALUE INVESTING- The art of buying a stock at the low point, and selling out lower.

BULL MARKET- Random and irrational market movement up, to bring in fools to buy a stock.

BEAR MARKET- Time during which the kids get no allowance, wife gets no presents and husband gets no..... (you figure it out).

P/E RATIO- Percentage of market investors wetting their pants.

BROKER- What my broker has made me (you).

STANDARD & POOR- Life for all for now, and especially those AIG bonus recipients.

STOCK ANALYST- The guy who just downgraded the best stock you owned.

STOCK SPLIT- What your ex and the lawyers do with your remaining assets.

FINANCIAL PLANNER- A person with a disconnected phone.

REFINANCE- Something you do over and over until you get a bailout.

MARKET CORRECTION- The name for the day you get back into the market.

CASH FLOW- The movement your money makes going down the toilet.

YAHOO- A stock market investor, a 401K owner, believer in the STIMULUS actually working.

WINDOWS- What you jump from if you bought YAHOO stock at $240 a share.

CAPITAL GAINS- What happens to your capital, when the government gives you some.

WORKING CAPITAL LOAN- Where you work to get capital to finally qualify for a loan.

ABL LENDING- All but lost, asset based loans definition before foreclosure.

BANK LOAN OFFICER- someone who now wants to know if you actually exist.

LBO- Loosing big by over-borrowing.

ESOP- Employees stopping of pay.

BUYOUT- Your planned buy of the business you work for is now" out".

NYSE- Real meaning: "Now Your Savings Eliminated".

BIG BOARD- The size of the plywood on the boarded-up windows of local businesses.

SENIOR DEBT FINANCING- Term used to borrow money from your elderly parents.

PETRO DOLLARS- The value is now similar to "PEDRO DOLLARS".

EU- Europe Underwater.

GM- "Gimme, more".

CHAPTER 10- The amount of chapters you have to read before the bankruptcy chapter.

BAILOUT- What you do with any stock that gets one of these.

TOXIC ASSET- The term for your mortgage loan at your bank.

PRIME RATE- The lending rate that does not apply to you.

BANK LENDING RATE- The amount a pawn-shop charges for lending you money.

LIBOR -Last Income Before Orderly Liquidation.

FED FUNDS- Dollars which were fed to hungry banks who did not want them.

AIG- Authorized Income Gobbler.

SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY- Someone in the secretarial pool, at the Treasury.

FANNIE and FREDDY- Your crazy aunt/ uncle who lost $2 trillion dollars, and did not know it.

BARNEY FRANK- Barney the dinosaur, coming clean on his opinions on Larry King Live.

OPEC- Overblown Pompous Energy Cabal

CLEAN COAL- Two words that are not related to each other.

WIND ENERGY- A term similar to "hot air".

TRADERS- See, "traitors".

ALTERNATIVE ENERGY- A type of energy that does not yet exist on EARTH.

and finally, one of our favorites,

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTORS- Investors, now institutionalized in a nut house.

Please feel free to add some of your own favorites.